Why are there so many people in their 30’s who are single?
I have been following a process for 30 minutes each day that help me keep up with my network and stay in contact with people, this is both for my professional network and as a way to stay in contact with family and friends that I lost touch with. You can read about the process in my post about keeping your network warm. One of those personal letters was to my aunt. She and I have been exchanging emails for a few weeks now. I just found out that she had major surgery and no one in this side of the family even knew about it.
In one of my updates about my life I sent her an email about my relationships.
As for me – Lisa and I are still dating, it has been just about 2 1/2 years at this point. Almost the entire relationship has had her in grad school so weekends and evenings have been a bust. Typically we only see each other on weekends school is about 40 minutes away from my place and 15 from hers…as you can imagine she spends weekdays at her place.
I think the problem for people in my generation is just to much variety. We are told in our teens that getting married in our early twenties is like our parents is “just too soon” and by the time our mid to late twenties have hit we have racked up 10-15 relationships – each with their own experiences, their own joys and pain. I know the old adage “it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” – but I think in this case it is information overload. It is like test driving 10 cars in a weekend or seeing 10 prospective houses in a relatively short amount of time. Each one on it’s own would be perfect, each one unique with its own quirks and nuances – but when asked which one are we going to choose…they all just blend in and the brain goes into overload.
How does the brain then cope? Well I think it starts by making comparisons – taller / shorter – fatter / thinner – blond / redhead – and we make little disqualifying statements about what we think we like just as a filter – but without real understanding. At the end we compare the personality of one to the smile of the other, never mind boobs and technique. It is absolute information overload. In the end, and in my case you end up settling for the middle of the road – passionless or boring and without common goals and getting divorced just a few short years later.
You wear divorce as a badge of honor, that despite the huge number of fish in the sea that you were able to find one, they agreed and you went down the aisle. Very few people that I have met actually care about the whole divorce issue, it’s just sort of a life lesson and time to move on.
I look at friends in my group there are the almost 30’s who are dying to get married because of some social expectations and then there are the 31+ who are a little sad that it did not happen, and by 37 there is almost a sense of serenity.. <br/>But I am rambling. I am happy, school will finish soon and things will get better as far as spending more time together and taking our relationship to the next level.